Sheila Margaret Smith Sheila Margaret Smith died at North Devon District Hospital on Saturday 14th March at the age of 62. I would like to invite you all to join together here today in saying a final farewell to her, mourning her death, but also celebrating her life. Sheila had specifically requested a Humanist ceremony, so we can be confident, as we celebrate her life here today, that she would have approved of this. There will be no formal committal and so the coffin will remain on view throughout the ceremony. Those of you who were closest to Sheila will be feeling an intense grief at this moment. It is worth remembering, however, that grief is the flip-side of the coin of love. It is a price you have to pay for having had the benefit of Sheila playing such a prominent, loving part in your lives. At some stage in the future that grief will begin to ease and there will come a time when you will be able to recall memories of her with a sense of gratitude and joy rather than one of pain and sadness. I would like to share with you the following words from “Let Us Be Honest With Death” Let us be honest with death. Lets us not pretend it is less than it is. It is separation, It is sorrow, It is grief. But let us not pretend that death is more than it is. It is not the end of love – For love cannot be destroyed by death. And humanity's need for it is endless. It is not the end to joy and laughter For nothing would less honour those we have loved than To make our lives drab in their absence. Let us be honest with death For in that honesty we may come to reach A deeper understanding. One thing is certain and that is that Sheila will have had an impact on each and every one of you. She will have affected, to a greater or lesser degree, the person that you are. You carry a little bit of her in you, and that will remain with you forever. A suitable way of picturing this, given the family’s love of water-skiing, is to think of the impact of the skis as they speed through the water. They cut a path through the water, creating a lively, almost violent wake, but as the skier disappears into the distance, so the wake diminishes until it becomes little more than a series of almost imperceptible ripples. Whether Sheila’s life caused a massive wake or just a ripple or two in your life, she will have left her mark. And as you too go on to influence others, so in a very real sense, she will live on into the future. In a moment we are going to recall something of Sheila’s life and of the person that she was. Before that Karen and Mather’s 8-year-old son Finnley wants to say a few words about his granny. I just wanted to say that my Granny was really lovely and that she spoilt me like mad. She was definitely the best Granny in the world and at least she is not in pain anymore. I will miss her every day and I’m sure she will be looking down on us from her special place in heaven. I’m trying not to be sad today because I know she would not be happy with that. I love you Granny. Born on 5th August 1946, Sheila was brought up in Oxfordshire along with her older brother Tony and younger siblings Brenda and Brian. It was when she was working as a proof-reader at Pergamon Press that she went to a birthday party in Reading, where she met Gary. That marked the start of a relationship that was to see them enjoy nearly 44 years of happily married life together. Their wedding took place at Marsh Baldon in Oxfordshire in 1965, a week after which they were off to Australia, a country where Gary had family. They settled in Melbourne where Sheila worked initially for the RACV, the equivalent of our AA. It was while they were in Australia that Gary and Sheila’s son Richard was born, and although they enjoyed their time there, by the beginning of 1971 they had decided to return to England, settling in Reading, where Karen was born in December of that year. Sheila was a really good Mum who was very proud of her children. Richard and Karen have happy memories of their childhood, including wonderful family holidays, camping in the UK, driving to Spain and caravanning when they went on their many water-skiing jaunts. It was important to Sheila that they should grow into independent people who could stand on their own two feet. It was a matter of great satisfaction to her that they did just that. She herself was a strong, independent woman with a mind of her own. She had her own firmly held views which she was happy to share with others. She was a very honest person who would always speak the truth no matter what the consequences. She and Gary escaped down here to Devon in 1995, a move that neither of them regretted. She loved it here where they have met so many good friends. Both have been keen members of the Pig-on-the-Hill Petanque club, where Gary is secretary. Whether it was at club matches here or the trip to France for the match with the twinned town of Landivisiau, Sheila could be relied upon to be the life and soul of the party. She felt that you got out of life what you put into it – and she certainly put a lot into it. She also enjoyed her games of dominoes and crib, which she played for the Village Inn team. In her quieter moments at home she loved to read, especially novels. Her daily paper was also important to her; when she had read it she would set about the crosswords and sudoku puzzles. She was still having a go at those the weekend before she died. She was a skilled seamstress – in fact, she and Gary had their own fabric shop for a time when they lived in Bicester. Something of a ‘soap’ fan, she followed Coronation Street for many years. She also liked to watch programmes like Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing On Ice. Sheila was a green-fingered gardener, growing lots of her own veg, which formed a part of the marvellous meals that she produced. An excellent cook, she didn’t see a problem in catering for as many as 20 people at a time - in her book, the more the merrier! She was in her element in the company of lots of people and would always make sure that everyone was well fed and watered. She and Gary have done so much together, enjoying fantastic trips all over the world. She particularly enjoyed many holidays in Spain and even delayed her chemotherapy last October to have a special holiday there with Gary, Karen and Mo. Another really significant holiday for her last year was a month-long stay in Australia with Richard and his wife Jenny and her grandchildren Liberty and Felix. As Finnley has told us, she was a super-gran, who was prepared to do anything with them and who spoilt them rotten. In fact she had a soft spot for children generally and always had time for them. Her role as a mother and grandmother was special for Sheila; she gave of herself for her children and grandchildren, and in recognition of that I would like to read a poem called ‘Cinquains For a Mother and Grandmother ‘. We saw Her at the last Fragile and weak And in her saw the image of Our births When our Protection lay In her strong nurturing So, by her bed in that long quiet Vigil We saw our strength as her Own frailty`s gift. So in Our life and in her fading, merge the Mirrors So at the last, we bear Her here as she bore us through our slow childhood, and we bring Our thanks Our love Our understanding Of that pattern which is Giving and receiving, and which Binds us all. Sheila showed enormous strength and fortitude over the years, fighting her way through against osteoporosis, a brain haemorrhage and a number of cancerous growths. Her brightness, her joy of life and her undying positive attitude in the face of all this are an example to us all. You will all have your own memories of Sheila. We will now listen to a song that she liked and that epitomises her philosophy of life, ‘Top Of The World’ by The Carpenters. You might want to use this time to reflect on what it was that she meant to you personally, perhaps recalling some moments from the past that somehow sum her up for you. One of the remarkable aspects of Sheila’s character was her willingness to think of others and to help them. Gary told me that she would give people the shirt off her back… and off his, if necessary! Nothing was too much trouble for her if she saw someone else was in need. There is a saying that what goes around, comes around. Just as Sheila had always put herself out to help others, so she herself was on the receiving end of some help when it was needed. I know that Gary is grateful to Mo Biggin and Lynn Jeffrey and all those others who were such a help and support over the last months. A big thank you to you all from him. I would also like to thank Gary on Sheila’s behalf for the love he showed her throughout their life together, and especially for the unstinting care he showed her as her health deteriorated. He was always there for her. Since Christmas last year he has been chief cook and bottle-washer in the house. Sheila was really impressed at the efforts he made to cook for her just what she wanted. If ever we needed reminding, it is at times like this that we recognise just how much we depend on one another. When one human being helps another, even in what seems an everyday way, there is a real depth of feeling experienced, a closeness that it is difficult to put into words, but we have all felt it at one time or another. In the days ahead many of you will feel the need for help in facing the future without Sheila’s physical presence among you. Support one another; you may well find it useful to talk to one another about her, recalling some of the funny times, the happy times you shared with her. What will also help you in the days ahead is to remind yourselves of what a positive, lively person Sheila was, how she lived her life with love, with purpose and with happiness. I would like to share with you a short extract from the writings of the American author and poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson. He answers the question “What is success?”. “To laugh often and love much, to win the respect and the affection of children; to find the best in others; to give one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child or a garden patch; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” Sheila succeeded. We can be confident of that as we say our goodbyes to her today. Carrying this knowledge with us, we will be better equipped to engage with life positively when the sun rises again tomorrow and we start the process of moving on without her in our midst. Probably the greatest tribute that we can pay to her is to show that we have learnt from her that life is precious, to be treasured and to be lived with love and with joy. Thank you for sharing in our ceremony today. In a moment we shall listen to a final piece of music that Sheila liked, ‘I Have A Dream’ by Abba. Before that I would like to read a final short poem, called ‘Afterglow’. I’d like the memory of me to be a happy one. I’d like to leave an afterglow of smiles when life is done I’d like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways, of happier times and laughing times and bright and sunny days. I’d like the tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun Of happy memories that I leave, when life is done.